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Beautiful Lie #2: You are Not What You See in the Mirror (can someone help a girl out here?)

We’ve got girls wanting to retouch their thighs … and their eyes … and it’s all based on lies. 

Jen as Barbie for the 35th anniversary of the doll, 1995

If there is one chapter I hope women read from my books, it is Beautiful Lies, The Second Lie:  You Are What You See in the Mirror.

I won’t attempt to write it better than I did the first time:

Nina wraps the measuring tape around my waist, cinching it closed with the clink of her porcelain nails: 28″

She pencils the numbers on her notepad.

Breasts: 36″

Waist: 28″

Hips: 36″

Sliding the silver weight of the scale, click, click, tap: 141.

Height: 6′

“I’d like to see you lose two inches in your waist, one and a half inches in your hips, and get down to 125,” she says matter-of-factly. 

“How is she going to lose fifteen pounds? Where can she take two inches off her hips?” my father asks, as if someone is going to pipe up and agree with him.

Five summers later I am standing on the scale in the gym in Milan, having now signed with eight agencies around the world. Carefully, I tap the silver bar to the left, to the left, to the left, transcending Nina’s number by a longshot.

“There you go, Nina,” I whisper. “Happy now?”

I look over my shoulder to make sure no one sees me and sneak into the steam room. I run my hands over the hollow curve of my empty belly and along the undergirding of my rib cage. I can feel each bone but still pinch the stubborn flesh clinging around my bellybutton.

People keep telling me I should eat, that I look skeletal, that a man couldn’t possibly love me like this. But I don’t care. I don’t want to eat. I’m not hungry. I’m not.

But I am. I am famished for none of this to matter, for the flesh around my middle to be all right. I’m so hungry for someone to look into my eyes and tell me I’m beautiful—not because of what they can see, but because of who I am. I’m so hungry to laugh and eat and play and for no one to care how the clothes hang on me.

I need to get into the mindset of an anorexic girl, even though I was one. I Google “diary of an anorexic,” and their blogs pop up. Like Alice descending a tubular slide, I tunnel into the worlds of girls with eating disorders. I am bombarded by images of hollow tummies framed by ribs and bikini bottoms, undernourished arms, and too-thin thighs. One girl even has the impossible body with a picture of Barbie pasted over the face. The caption reads, “Happy Now?”

The images are their goals. The bodies are their aspirations. Their “likes” tell me so much about them.” What they don’t know is there is not a scale on earth which gauges the weight of who they are.

I remember going to sleep hungry. I remember the darkness, the rebellion, the distance I put between myself and goodness. 

It is eighteen years later and I am writing this book. I am studying anorexia and reading the blogs. I am wanting more than anything to offer answers to the hurting.

At this time there has been a circumstance in my life that has spun so out of control, been so painful, and become so challenging that I have not been eating. I, who have this ministry; I, who teach on women’s beauty and bodies and identity and value. My pain is manifesting itself physically, as it did back then.

This is my weakness: I want the world around me to be perfect and it’s not, and people are not, and somehow I think if I can just be perfect I can heal it. It starts this time by fasting for spiritual reasons; it ends when I step back and see myself teetering on a very dangerous tightrope.

Maybe if I just get skeletal everyone in my world will bend to my demands, I think. Maybe if I stop eating altogether, if I go on a hunger strike, God will once and for all give me what I’m asking for. Maybe someone will pay attention.

Shane is holding me in front of the mirror, analyzing the width of my body next to his. He is brushing his hands over my ribs in concern. He is telling me to see a doctor. He is holding me and he cares.

I am a fighter, and I have more truth in my head than lies. Yet we all crawl through mud sometimes before we stand on a hilltop; we all cross deserts and feel parched midway.

When Shane stands up and fights for me, I am relieved; I am loved.

Mother Teresa once said, “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.”

We are faced with a generation of girls afflicted by the lie that they are their bodies, they are what they see in the mirror. We cannot ignore the lies and hope they will go away. We must look those girls square in the eye and feed their soul hunger.

 

The “homework assignment” for Ch. 3 of the Beautiful Lies Study Guide is to speak into the heart and life of a younger woman or girl who needs to know her value. Let’s all do that this week!

I thank God every day for the people who did that for me then, and still do that for me now.

Love,

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About the Author: Jennifer

Jennifer Strickland is a wife, mom, TEDx speaker, and former professional model. She is the author of Girl Perfect, More Beautiful Than You Know, and Beautiful Lies, among other books and Bible studies that teach women their worth in God’s eyes. Since leaving the modeling industry, she founded URMore.org, a non-profit ministry that provides resources to hurting women and girls. Her favorite moments are found working on the family ranch with her husband, who she calls “the Cowboy”; in her kitchen, concocting a new version of her famous spaghetti; or spending time with their three precious children.

WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING

Jennifer is a captivating speaker. She keeps the listener hanging in wonder of what’s coming next! Her presentation is not only absorbing, it reveals the truth of God’s power to heal a wounded spirit.

Barbara Brown

Barbara Brown, Former Stonecroft Ministries Regional Representative, San Diego, CA

“The ‘P’ word [perfection] may be the heaviest burden women bear. All the misguided things we do to attain it can keep us away from what we need most – the unconditional love of God the Father. The Girl Perfect Study Guide gives you a map to the wholeness you were created for.”

Nancy Ortberg

Nancy Ortberg, author and former teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church

“The Girl Perfect Study Guide shatters the lies girls and women believe and points to the ultimate truth, which really does set us free. I am confident that this study will help thousands discover a beauty, purpose, and worth that truly lasts. Thank you Jen for exposing the ‘perfect life’ and inviting girls to experience God’s ‘perfect love.'”

Allie Marie Smith

Allie Marie Smith, Founder of Wonderfully Made

One of the best testaments to what Jennifer is doing for the young girls and women of today is a comment from my eleven-year-old granddaughter: “Grammy, I want to read this book and hear her again. She’s good and I learned a lot.” This is exactly what I experienced from a grown-up perspective when I was introduced to Jennifer Strickland’s amazing story. Read it and see if you don’t get the real story from an icon model and a powerful speaker of truth.”

Thelma Wells

Thelma Wells, D.D. (Hon), President of Woman of God Ministries
As a teacher, participator, and observer of public speaking for most of my life, I’ve come to realize that many speakers make one of two mistakes when interacting with their audience (especially when that audience is mainly teenagers.) They either expect their audience to climb up to their level (which feels unattainable to the crowd) or they step down to the level of their listeners (which feels cheap and pandering.) The best speakers meet their audience where they are and lead them up to where they want them to be. This feels genuine. This is what Jennifer did over the last few days at our school.
Jennifer Strickland is a funny, engaging, dynamic speaker. She shares truth with authority and credibility that comes from both experience (her story is powerful) and an obvious depth of study in the Bible. The ideas she presents about Value, Identity, and Purpose are truths everyone needs to hear.
I heartily recommend her for your conference, school retreat, or any event where you want your people to be encouraged and challenged with deep, impacting truth.

Andrew Doan

Andrew Doan, Concord Christian Academy, Concord, NH

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