Tired of the Victim Mentality — and ready to stand up . . .

Some fool wrote #metoo on one of the most iconic statues the world has ever seen.

#metoo of the virtuous nurse

Who we are as women is in question, and I have an opinion about it. As a woman, I have watched the #metoo movement from the distance between my television set and couch, all the while with a gnawing feeling its roots might be unhealthy. As it has unfolded, women have struggled to set a good example for girls on how and when to raise their voices.

Speaking up about assault is paramount to our healing. Telling our story to those who can restore us to health is a powerful choice we make for ourselves, those we love, and others mistreated by abuse.

When I finally mustered the courage to write my story, counseling ensured I get well. Simultaneously, I chose transparent honesty when speaking to women and girls; I became “A Voice for Their Value.”

Little did I know, I would — without intention — subtly begin wearing the “victim” identity as if it were my skin.

Facing this has not been easy; I have warred the victim spirit attached to me as a young woman like a warrior in battle against the most evil forces, and won. Hands down, I know in my soul I am not a victim of my circumstances, nor of my past. 

A victim is: a person or thing harmed, lost, or destroyed; a casualty; fatality; prey.

Sounds like me — once — but no longer. Today, I am healed, saved, restored; a victor.

I speak as a victor, on behalf of the virtuosity and value of women.

In the order of creation, neither male nor female is born a victim. Instead, we are created virtuous.

In the face of the latest popularity — even fame — of faking victimhood, it is time we remind ourselves who we are created to be.

We are not victims; we are virtuous.

virtuous: adjective

1: morally excellent

  : conforming to a standard of right

2 : reflecting beneficial qualities and power

3 : possessing strength and courage : VALIANT

4 : having commendable qualities and traits : MERIT

5 : with a capacity to act : POTENT

6 : chaste, modest, pure : VALUABLE

The thesaurus says virtuous means: decent, ethical, good, honest, moral, true, upright. Words relating to virtuous are: credible; noble; principled; exemplary; legitimate; law-abiding; upstanding; worthy; guiltless; incorrupt; inoffensive; unobjectionable; angelic.

It is because we are virtuous — that we speak up when victimized. But this speech does not pour out in dramatic lies or exaggerations before many; we speak our truth to wise people in private first. 

When you speak the truth in counseling offices, to your trusted friends, and to empowered people robust with integrity (who are unafraid stand up against injustice), you live out your truest identity.

When I wrote Girl Perfect, I courageously faced the truth of the painful parts of my journey and spoke on behalf of women of all ages to find a better truth — we are More than just bodies; we are souls in living color. We are More than our sensuality; we are brilliant, and our sexual side is worth waiting for in marriage.

In speaking out, I never meant to spread a victim mentality — like, “poor us, we are victims of man’s urges” — and let’s spread male-hatred like gangrene. No. I honor men, for it is the man I married who encouraged me to speak, to heal, to write, to stop being a victim and live with my head held high. Further, it is both his father and my father — better yet, united with our mothers — who made the ministry possible in the first place. And it our sons and daughter who I hold in the highest esteem, who will carry our legacy onward.

No man-hater am I.

But there was a time I thought like a victim and behaved like a victim. As a victim, I wrestled in the mud of being undervalued as a human being created in the image of God. I thank God, my husband, and friends for for not letting me live every day of my life this way.

I am not a victim — I am virtuous.

And it is because we are virtuous that we speak with grace and truth about the mistakes we’ve made and forgive the sins of those who damaged us, or simply didn’t realize how priceless we are in the heavenly economy.

To rise to our truest identity is to stop acting like victims and embrace virtuosity as our new skin — which means we possess strength and courage, uprightness and merit, decency, ethics, and credibility.

This is who are meant to be — and every day is a living choice.

Pass it on.

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2 Response to “Tired of the Victim Mentality — and ready to stand up . . .

  1. #Me2Mess
    Can’t wait to start your class on Sat! A thought:

    “Hey Guys, My ‘Love Language’ is Not: ‘No, No, Please Do It!'” Growing up in the church, many women were raised to “Obey and respect their elders” (who were 9/10 men), and “Honor their parents,” (which included relatives). Sadly, the majority of rape victims know their predators or are related to them. Some ladies, when they say,”No” are just trying to let a guy down gently, and instead, end up on the bottom of a heap in the back a fraternity house nightmare.
    However, is there another side of the coin in the #MeToo business? Have men been somewhat programmed by society and the media to push women for “more” and been reinforced for decades? It’s easy to see the pressure cooker that was created when women entered the workforce during WWII and proved they could do the same work that men could as well (or better), and began a revolution, that for some, men, perhaps lit a smoldering rage beneath the surface.
    Research has shown that rape is not about the sex, it’s about rage, it’s about control, it’s about revenge, and power; and it’s always wrong. Seems like the media has covered plenty of stories of how men were led down the path of asking for “more” and getting away with it. (Insert to complete later…)
    It’s an absolute travesty that it’s taken so long for the #MeToo movement to reach the walls of massive corporations, behind marriages, and beyond the borders of these United States and finally given voice to women to relate their tragedies at long last. Let us rejoice in the promise of Progress, realizing that we are still in the early stages (as evidenced by recent controversial firing of Megyn Kelly).
    How frightening is it that in America, her mainstream show was “Silenced” almost overnight for an inappropriate question.

    Suz (almost afraid to type the last sentence…)

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