“Now Jen,” my administrator says to me, “I want you to really focus. I know I’m sounding like a mean old lady right now but I don’t care. You ONLY HAVE SO MUCH TIME and I know you want to do so many things — great things — but I really want you to  prioritize … give me the top three things we are going to do as a ministry … and if you give me four, I won’t be mad.  But remember, you have three children downstairs.”

I look across the room and thank God He has once again sent me an older wiser woman to back up this ministry with hard-won strength. Because my strength wanes. My focus gets out-of-focus!

With a teen daughter, she’s almost all I can think about. And a toddler, he’s almost all I can do in a day. And a boy in-between who oh-so-needs-me-to-see-him-clear, I don’t want to mess this thing up, you know? I just don’t want to mess any of it up.

I want to give them my ALL, and now that I think of it, lately, I have been giving them my all.

My list of dreams in the ministry is sorta long. My vision of all that we can do is pretty huge. And daily, I feel the pull of having to manage things like social media. Lord help me.

Sometimes when I go on social media, I can float around looking for answers, and too often, the answer I come up with is, “I’m not doing enough.” I’m not selling enough books, I’m not getting enough likes, I’m not mocking up enough inspirational quotes, and I’m definitely not inspiring enough people altogether. Then, I log out. “X” out. Done.

I take out my journal to talk to Jesus. His voice is a whisper. It is sweet, so soft the sound: “You are doing really well with those kids, Jen, and your husband. I’m proud of you.”

I swear my heart must beat inside of their chests. They are the singular ones that wear my flesh.  Imperfect and messy as we are, we are tied by bonds deeper than anything that can be posted or tweeted or shared.

What is “Enough” anyway? Isn’t “enough” the words I heard that night? The “well done, good and faithful servant,” that we all long to hear? Knowing that my Master sees my investment in my family means more than a million social media  shares. It matters more to me than a standing ovation or a room of applause. To know that God is with me here, at home — walking me through raising a 13-year-old world changer (I’m holding my breath here), a 12-year old boy-growing-strong-and-sure, and a 4-year-old warrior, I’m proud. I can rest my head tonight knowing I’ve followed His call — the call back home, and I’ll never regret it.

I traveled as a speaker for years, and still do on (special) occasion, but the journey has taken me back to the nest, and right now the nest is right where this mama bird belongs.

If you are thinking to yourself today, “I’m not doing enough,” I’d ask you to check in with the Master. Ask Him:

1.  What do I need to be doing more of?

2.  Less of?

3.  God, what do you want me to do?

You may just hear a still, small voice give you some direction. Or, that voice might let you know that even if the world shouts at you to do a lot of things, only one thing really counts — how it all looks to Him, at this moment, in this blip of time that we call “now.”

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In Peace,